It's BATMAN LEADS A ROOTIN'-TOOTIN' BUMBERSHOOTIN' LIFE TUESDAY!

Batman can beat up Superman. You know he can, you've seen him do it - not once, but several times. In fact, chances are, if you're a Batman fan, your allegiance to the character owes no small debt to Batman's ability to cream such targets as the Man of Steel into street pudding.

You get the idea - particularly if you grew up on the Batman as he was portrayed in the Eighties and Nineties - that Batman can murder any living superhero or supervillain. Can Batman beat Green Lantern? Yes. Can he beat The Flash? Yes. Aquaman? Yes. Wonder Woman? Yes, but he doesn't have to, because she's a female comic book character in the DC Universe and mostly just wants to bat-jump his bat-bones because that's apparently all that girls are good for, according to comic books (PS - also to get murdered).

Weirdly, the selling point of Batman is that he's "a normal human being" (Addendum: ...who is the greatest martial artist, detective, gymnast, athlete, scientist, biologist, cyberneticist, computer programmer, auto mechanic, race car driver, inventor, vigilante billionaire industrualist IN THE WORLD) and yet he blithely caroms potentially career-ending batarangs off the noggins of every spandex-clad demigod from the Justice League's A-squad to the bottom fifteen ranking members of The Defenders. Meanwhile, put him up against another "normal human being" and he gets in THE FIGHT OF HIS LIFE. His greatest enemy is a manic anorexic with deep tissue chemical poisoning. Making up the rest of the batting order are an obsessive-compulsive burn victim, an ecotmorphic academic in a burlap sack, a crazy cat lady, a guy who will die if he encounters a lukewarm draft, and, among a thousand other trauma ward near-fatalities, a chick dressed like a fern. My advice to Batman is, like, you know those times you beat up Superman? Do what you did there all the time, but with everyone.

So, anyway, in that spirit, I present to you a rarely-seen imbroglio from the Dark Knight Detective's hidden casefiles (by way of a General Mills cereal promotion) between Batman and one of his greatest and most persistent enemies; a fat myopic midget who hits you with umbrellas. What the fuck is this, Super Mario World?

Spoiler Warning: It's not really all that perilous.

For the delicate of spirit and the animal lovers among you, I feel I should warn you that the Penguin is about to stick an exploding umbrella up a cow's ass. That advance notice was also for 'exploding umbrella up a cow's bottom' fetishists, I guess. Also, it would be funnier if the Penguin would call those "BOMBershoots"...

I like how the placement of the caption in the last panel makes it look like Batman has just kicked the ass of a Best Buy employee named "Eno".