TRULY GONE&FORGOTTEN : MR."E"

Him and his gnomes, hammer-dancing this giant to justice.

Your Humble Editor is currently shopping around for a new home, so I’ve been giving a lot of thought to exactly what I’d like to have in a house; A guest room, a sizable back yard, plenty of natural light, closets and storage space, a good-sized kitchen, and – of course – a secret subterranean temple buried under the basement where I can house the living statue of a wrathful Far Eastern god of justice.

"And I'm losing my pants - it's a party!"

Sure it seems like a long shot, but that’s exactly what Harry “A-for-Anything” Chesler’s Mr.E had in his urban sanctum. Having discovered the vengeful deity’s larger-than-life icon while excavating the site of a prehistoric civilization, the otherwise-unnamed Mr.E cozies up to the big guy’s primary teaching – the violent destruction of all evil! Hauling the likeness back to the States, Mr.E sets him up in a temple he either conveniently already had set up beneath his home or had custom-built by some surely perplexed contractors.

When evil threatens to overcome good, the god-statue of King Kolah – renowned for his delicious flavor and zero calories! – passes the warning on to Mr.E, mentally, sending the eager avenger out into the streets in his striking crimson pantsuit.

Kolah doesn’t send Mr.E out into the world completely unarmed – just mostly unarmed. While E doesn’t boast any super-powers of his own, he is typically accompanied by Kolah’s servants, the “dwarf” sized “messengers.” Standing at about six inches tall, the messengers came in a variety of styles, much like Smurfs. Plucky, mischievous and ready for a pint-sized fight, the imps showed up decked out in contemporary street clothes , or decked out for a specific job – when a fire threatens to overcome Mr.E, the messengers show up as tiny firefighters , as a for instance. Sometimes they showed up as birds. That’s pretty much the extent of it – birds or tiny firefighters, pick one and run with it.

How big is this guy's basement?

Outside of being able to handily appear and disappear when needed, and the aforementioned ability to transform themselves into birds, the messengers didn’t really have any notable powers. That means that Mr.E’s arsenal against evil consisted entirely of being a normal guy aided by like six very small normal guys. I’m shocked he didn’t bite it the first night out.

The Messengers also ate up the names in this book, which is probably why we never learn Mr.E’s pre-psuedonymous alternate identity. Despite being the spirits of an ancient god, Kolah’s sprites were identified by names like Chuck, Butch, Spike, Pepper, Sassy and Bunko. I made up at least three of those, but they’re about right. This is also why Mr.E’s girlfriend and assistant was known only as Miss Terry. Hm.