"My routine was the Phantom Stranger folks, just show up outta nowhere and spook 'em right in the middle of their own stories. This was pretty easy, because I was also the most hands-on narrator in the history of horror comics, showing up every other panel to stand in shadows on a nearby barren hillside and talk nonsense while someone was getting ready to have their throat ripped out through their navel by some ironic fish-monster or something. You think I'd be there to help, but no, mostly I just hung out to underline just how ironically appropriate the punishments were. Probably I couldn't even be bothered to film anything I saw on my smartphone, I'm just that uninvolved!"
"Meanwhile, here's a forgotten classic from the pages of This Magazine is Haunted with I guess an ironic ending? Maybe? Listen, I have to be honest, I barely pay attention to how these things usually play out, I'm really just in the game to hang out on the periphery and call people jackasses when they get slaughtered by sea monsters or whatever. Anyway, here's Valley of (checks notes) Shadow..."