Thursday, May 7, 2015


I can't believe it's "The Murderer That Had No Feet" and not, given the tennis setting, "Love and Death"
For having made only a single appearance in the Golden Age (in the pages of Star-Studded Comics, a book which seemed to have been counting on its juvenile audience knowing little of “false advertising” laws), the Red Rogue certainly doesn’t skimp on backstory.

Beleaguered private investigator Rod Rooney shows up in panel one with a difficult case coming together under his expert interrogation, and a disdainful police captain sneering from his desk chair. Apparently the two have a history, since the riled captain rips up Rooney’s detective license, effectively ending the superstar sleuth’s skyrocket career, assuming that’s how legal documents work, which I think they don’t. I think he’s still a dick, and so’s the captain.

This is my new catchphrase.
"It's a bolas! I'm out of luck!"
License or no license, Rooney is soon on the trail of a new crime when a North American produce magnate hires him to play bodyguard while awaiting the signing of an important trade agreement for South American beets or something. TAUT STORYTELLING, THIS!

With all of the competitors for the contract gathered in one place for no apparent reason, there’s a mysterious murder on a tennis court and Rooney wastes no time switching into his get-up. Apparently afraid to risk being too intimidating to crooks, the Red Rogue’s outfit is a doozy – ballet slippers and tennis shorts seems to be taking care of business south of the waistline, while his impressive upper-body ensemble in topped with a mask which makes him look like a mascot for a blood drive or a reminder to use apostrophes correctly.

Red Rogue is shy on super powers or even, for that matter, much in the way of particular athleticism, although he manages to slug his police captain pal a couple times and throw him into a pool for good measure. Son, you’re going to jail.

Perhaps that’s why Red Rogue disappeared after his single adventure – he either ended up in the pokey or he was beaten to death by the captain’s pals in an alley behind the station house. Whatever the case, he is able to solve the murder – turns out the victim was killed by BOLAS which had ICE BLOCKS for weights so that they MELTED in the rain! For some reason, that’s important, that no one know it was bolas. Just shoot the guy next time, then if you’re still feeling like you need a twist to the story, just feed some pork chops to the cops. Works out even pretty much.

"It's all ice, everything, even us, and someday we'll all melt."

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