Monday, October 26, 2015

MONDAY'S MONSTER : THE CREATURE FROM DIMENSION 2-K-31

"Please, my DAD was The Thing, call me The Creature"

Who the hell's in charge of nomenclature around here? Whatever the criteria for labeling dimensions might be, there's simply no excuse for "2-K-31" when, as far as I'm aware, they didn't even try "Dimension Z," "Dimension X," or "The Dimension of Terror" first. You know what this is? This is grant-seeking academia at its most grasping. Science is a fraud. Teach the conspiracy.

That is the opposite of security.
Still, when scientist Dr. Eustus Riko pierces the dimensional barriers between our world and the over-named dimension just down the street, the result is  a gelatinous mound of tapioca-colored murder launched on our fighting forces overseas. Nice work Dr.Riko, you're bound to win the Nobel Prize for Insanity for this!

While Riko experiments with sending living creatures across the dimensional bridge in exchange for equally large masses of living matter from another world, another scientist is experimenting on creating a creature who is capable of ending war. The gum-headed Katu is thrilled to reveal his invention - a living being of immense strength, fluid composition and the ability to change its shape to impersonate any thing or creature - to the ruler of his world of Erewhon (also "Erewon"). How a horrible monster is going to put an end to war isn't particularly well-explained, but we only need to visit Erewhon/Erewon long enough to watch the fireworks.

You see, Dr.Riko's choice for a sample to send across the dimensions was ... gorillas! Yep, he's swapping gorillas like collectible pogs, and that spells t-r-u-b-b-l-e for Katu's world. With their pace-generating horrible monster stolen and blood-crazy gorillas sent in its place, war is the last concern of Dimnsion 2-K-31.

"And this is how babies are made"
Meanwhile, the Creature itself shows up on a battlefield in Korea, whereupon it immediately turns on every fighting man within sight. Captured within an experimental Soviet tank which is, in turn, captured by US forces, the Creature is brought to America's happy shores where it's promptly poked at by scientists.

Escaping his makeshift cage, the Creature seems to be engaging on a wild path of destruction, but Earth has bigger problems. It seems a rogue planet, discovered by Dr.Zupa (short for "Zat Upper Pussy Area"), is causing giant mushrooms to grow on our planet and threatens to destroy us somehow. Goddamn rogue planets, that's the REAL menace.

The Creature finally kicks in his end-all-war programming, Launching himself into space and buffeting the rogue planet with electricity until it is destroyed - apparently claiming the Creature's life as well. How that ends all wars, again, I dunno, but it's enough to make the people of Earth dance with joy. Although, as you can see, everybody became a cartoon hillbilly in the interim.



3 comments:

Nate Fancher said...

I did a spit take at "Zat Upper Pussy Area" ... and I wasn't even drinking!

Calamity Jon said...

Uh-oh, you'll want to see a doctor about that.

Tim Mayer said...

That last panel is meme-worthy.

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