For my money, not enough superhero comics take place at prominent state and county fairs throughout the United States. Who wouldn't want to see The Teen Titans Take In The Michigan State Fair, Spider-Man in Danger At The Putnam County Jubilee, and Lady Death: Blood Red Corndogs of Hell? I know I wouldn't, that's one, me, right here.
|That's like Dress Barn but for horses.|
Marvel's uncanny mutants find themselves in the land of Big Tex and deep-fried brownie batter thanks to the desirable young prospective mutant super-character Daniel Wiley, aka "Eques," a horse-happy Dallas resident who also happens to have one of the most absurd mutant powers of all time. In moments of stress or intense concentration, he can transform himself into ... a winged centaur! Weirdly, this makes him the second superhero centaur in comics, that I know of. There might be more. This could be a sub-genre for all I'm aware.
Whatever the case, Magneto of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants Local 809 tries to recruit the kid/foal into his crew, because I guess if you've got a human Toad and a fat guy on your team, you're willing to settle.
The X-Men are also hot on Eques' well-groomed tail, seeking him out at the expansive fair where he's been working in the horse exhibit. This turns into a tour of the Fair, as you imagine it might from the example set allllll the way back in the two issues of World's Fair Comics produced by National Periodical in the late Thirties. That there's a precedent for this which dates back all the way to the origin of the genre is humbling. We've come so far and accomplished so little. Let's shut it down.
|"Not counting all those guys with clock gears glued to their hats"|
The book ultimately descends into a pretty typical fight scene, with Eques changing sides to the good guys and retiring from superherodom in the space of like two panels. It's worth mentioning that Magneto is defeated because Big Tex kicked him in the butt. How did the X-Men pull that off? It's because Big Tex is secretly alive and hates evil, or possibly because he's a big fan of centaurs. It's genuinely hard to say, but the smizing rictus of Tex's face winking at the audience is the stuff of nightmares. That one panel alone might very well earn this book the accolade of being the most terrifying comic ever committed to paper.
Terrifying metal titans and deep-fried Coke! The Texas State Fair really does have it all!
|"See you in hell!"|