Wednesday, October 19, 2016


“Hey there, it’s The Teller again. And here’s your change. Nope, haha, just a little The Teller humor. Yes, I’m the Teller – teller of stories (oooh, mind blown!) that is! Except that this week I’ll continue to tell you about the quartet of monster mooks I’ve hired to do all my work for me. If that $15 minimum wage law goes through, these guys’re gonna break me.

Victor Vampire looks like character actor Frank Nelson, don’t he? It’s good that he too is a man of few words, since he doesn’t have much in the way of a motif to work with. Last week, I mentioned that my other assistants, Freddie Demon and Garry Ghoul, handled all the stories of the occult, the macabre, the bizzare (sic – I gotta work on that) and the tormented dead. What did Victor get to tell us about? ‘Selected stories.’ Yep, Victor’s one of those internet guys who ‘curates’ stuff. I bet he’s got a foodie blog, too, but he makes you scroll through like eight pages of backstory before he gives you the recipe. Dick.

Walter Werewolf is pretty much the ‘…and the rest!’ of this little Gilligan’s Island of goons. Where even the Vampire guy got to at least select some stories, Walter ‘also will contribute to my file of terror-producing tales,’ or so I said when I first introduced him. He’s actually not done much at all except ruin my carpets and get hair all over the couch. I’m going to have him put down.

“Meanwhile, it’s time to wrap up the public domain plunder which you’ve enjoyed the last few weeks. With a tale from Tormented vol.1 No, here’s a fat-shaming little fable called …”

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