Friday, March 24, 2017


Last year, I had the pleasure of having my first book, The League of Regrettable Superheroes, published by the fine folks over at Quirk Books in Philadelphia, PA. Although the cat has been out of the bag for a little while, I'm nonetheless proud to announce that the logical sequel -- The Legion of Regrettable Super-Villains -- is slated to debut on March 28th! You can now pre-order the book over on AmazonBarnes&Noble, and probably on the weird superhero book black market. It does thriving business!

To whet your appetite for the new book, every Friday leading up to the release date, I'll be providing brief snapshots of just some of the 108 (!) historically effed-up bad guys covered in the book (and that's not even counting the sidebars).

Trying to stay mean and keep lean? Then do I have the diet for you. A strict protein-based regimen of vile villains and cruel crooks culled from the core food groups of our neolithic ancestors. It's taken them something like 2.6 million years, but a few representatives of those much-eaten meats and dairy have attempted to strike back, grab your knife and fork!

Created by: Robert Bernstein and Ramona Fradon
Debuted in: Adventure Comics #272 (DC Comics, May 1960)

There are more than a few sub-sea terrors which would have their menace multiplied a thousand-fold if there were some sort of villainous "The Human..." version of them. The Human Vampire Squid, the Human Shark, the Human Marianas Trench, and so on. The Human Flying Fish is not one of them. It's right up there behind The Human Sandollar and The Human Luxury Cruise. 

Still, he gives it his best shot, fighting Aquaman and Aqualad with the power of not always swimming. His costume is the tits, though, fight me.

Created by: Bill Mantlo and George Tuska
Debuted in: Luke Cage, Power Man #29 (Marvel Comics, April 1975)

It's never not delightful that Mister Fish debuted with the admonition that no one shoud laugh at him, since he's both the dumbest-looking and straight-up dumbest supervillain in history. Not only does he share with characters like the Parasite the "I wonder what's really in this barrel that has 'Toxic Waste' written on the side of it in huge angry yellow letters, let's find out" origin, but he compounded his waste-huffing with a dive into the East River. Oh, and after he died? His brother decided to carry on his work, so he also drank bleach and jumped into the pool where New York collects its human urine. A rep is the hardest thing to reclaim, Fishes.

Created by: Robert Kanigher and Ross Andru
Debuted in: Wonder Woman vol.1 #157 (DC Comics, October 1965)

No roster of weird, dumb and better-left-dead villains would be complete without Egg Fu, the wildly-racist and well-out-of-date Chinese supervillain who is both Egg and Giant, making him the most deadly jumbo egg ever. The weirdest thing about Egg Fu remains that so many efforts have been made to bring him back in one form or another, all of which involve a Chinese creature with yellow or orange skin and the name "Egg Fu." You're not really gonna completely save this one, you know? Move on to something better, bring back Terra Man or something.


BillyWitchDoctor said...

Yikes, these guys. If I recall correctly, Egg Fu's mustache was prehensile and he was absolutely hollow inside. But it was his dialog that was the worst, the sort of "so solly" garbage that would make David Duke step back and say, "whoa, dude, that's kinda racist."

All I know about Mr. Fish is his stint as a sidebar commenter on Seanbaby's Hostess Ad articles. Perhaps it is best to keep it that way.

The Human Flying Fish! In an early issue of the SuperFriends comic, a group of villains calling themselves The SuperFoes decided that they each needed a sidekick to offset whatever magic Marvin, Wendy and Wonderdog (and Robin, I suppose?) brought to their nemeses. Penguin had Chick (groan), Cheetah mentored Kitten (golf clap), Toyman sponsored Toyboy (sweet Christmas), Poison Ivy cultivated Honeysuckle (eyaaaaaaaah) and HFF spawned...Sardine. SARDINE. HFF was going to be damned if he was going to be the most humiliated member of the team.

(It is of note that HFF got his abilities through extensive invasive surgery, so one might assume that this similarly-able kid deliberately hooked up with a D-list villain and let an unlicensed lunatic carve him up, just for the glory of becoming "Sardine." That is one sad, sad child. I wonder where he's buried.)

James Conder said...

From the late, lamented Unca Cheeks the Toy Wonder's Silver age website
"One. Name.

The name of: MISTER FISH. [see accompanying cover. If you dare.]

You will note, of course, that the ubergoober in question hastens to assure the heroic Luke Cage (and -- presumably -- through him, the less-than-discerning reader) that: "Nobody laughs at MISTER FISH!"

This, of course, is arrant nonsense.

In point of fact: everyone laughs at Mister Fish.

Men laugh at Mister Fish. Women laugh at Mister Fish (to say nothing of their barely-restrained hysteria at the sight of his diminuative "fish stick.")

Tiny, aboriginal children in isolated, nomadic mountain tribes -- who have never even heard of Mister Fish -- shrill in gleeful laughter, even as I type these fateful words.

They do not know why they laugh, of course; only that they are -- one and all -- stricken with the nigh-uncontrollable impulse to do just that: laugh their adorable little fool heads off.

Such is fame -- or what may pass for it -- within the ranks of the Marvel Comics "Goober Gang."

Oh, go ahead; you know you want to)"

Calamity Jon said...

Damn, Unca Cheeks. That takes me back ...

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