The X-Men and the Micronauts vol.1 No.3
Writer: Bill Mantlo/Chris Claremont
Artist: Butch Guice / Bob Wiacek
Letterer: Joe Rosen
Colorist: Julianna Ferriter
Editor: Bob Budiansky
EIC: Jim Shooter
Mantlo opens up the first 11.5 pages of this story, and if you're wondering how I can tell: The first half of the book is all murder and war, and then in the second half, the Entity tries to fuck Kitty Pryde. I see you, Claremont.
(Huntarr was previously depicted as the only Micronaut whose previous life had been apolitical and civilian. Every other one of these wonderful dopes come from military worlds or backgrounds, or are in the rebellion by the time we meet them. Huntarr -- whom I still maintain was a sex worker in his pre-snot life -- would reasonably be the only person on a team full of brainwashed spree killers who'd care about keeping blood off of a teenage girl's hands. For the first time, I sort of like Huntarr...)
|Best scene in the series.|
Checking in with the body and armor of Baron Karza, recently teleported to Homeworld, we find out that the brain animating the beast is still Kitty Pryde! And, darnit, she's trying her best!
Meanwhile, though, her body is in peril back with The Entity -- he's gonna fuck her! Hi Chris! Hi Mr.Claremont! How come half of the fuck fantasies that make their way into Claremont's X-Men involved tufted chaise longues and ivy-wrapped pillars? And a recessed pool? How wild does this guy fuck?
Since we've established that The Entity is some sort of reverse, evil Professor X identity -- a Cassandra Nova or just a Dark Xavier or something -- can the takeaway be that Professor X does not want to fuck his fourteen year-old charge? Because that's the only answer that I can live with.
While Kitty dodges the bizarro-Prof's dick, the rest of the X-Men and Micronauts are waking up with massive hangovers in the dank dungeons of The Entity's ... collection of set pieces. I don't know where we are, a castle or a planet or something. We're somewhere.
|He does this like once a week.|
Back on Earth, a comatose Professor X briefly possesses the mind of pantsless teenager Dani Moonstar, who has been walking around in nothing but a t-shirt for three issues. Does the X-Mansion not have air conditioning?
Buff and naked, Professor X's astral form just needed to puddle-jump via Dani's entire self, and it makes it so much worse when Xavier apologizes by telling her "Forgive me child, for using you in such a manner." UGH GODDAMNIT CLAREMONT THAT'S WORSE.
He confronts the Entity in astral space, recognizing the armor and giving the readers at home a little footnote to follow if they want to read the adventure when the armor debuted (Uncanny X-Men vol.1 No.117, if you're interested). This is also maybe the fifteenth clue that the Entity is an evil Professor X thing.
|Boy, everything wrong with this story in two panels. Convenient.|
No, sorry, one more issue to go! Let's see what happens, and also I forgot to mention that all the New Mutants have done for two issues is sit in a living room and give each other updates on whether Professor Xavier died yet or not. Put that in the movie.