Jarrett (1973)

JARRETT (1973) stars Glenn Ford as the titular Sam Garrett, a pugilist turned private investigator with an expertise in art crimes (donk donk)! 

In his only broadcast case (March 17, 1973), the detective is hard on the trail of The Adam & Eve Scrolls – ancient Hebraic manuscripts which allegedly predate the Dead Sea Scrolls by a solid 700 years, and which sound a little bit like a diner order – “Adam and Eve on a scroll, and wreck ‘em!” 

The hunt gets Jarrett involved with the daughter of a disgraced historian, the evangelical leader of a “New Hedonism'' religious movement, forgeries, smuggling, and a wealthy collector with a trunk full of disguises and a puckish affection for colorful crime.

Sam Jarrett (Glenn Ford) and Sigrid Larsen (Laraine Stephens), who’s clearly already sick to death with hearing middle-aged men talk about comics. Me too, sister.

This two-hour TV movie had it all: A sunny setting in Venice Beach, a Bavarian folk festival, a male lead who was at least thirty years too old for the role, uncomfortable Charley Varrick sexual energy, a tent revival, a private island, stuffed birds, exploding apples, and a real Monkees vibe to all the action sequences. 

Thirty seconds in, a fat guy is depicted jogging to the sound of a tuba. At the three minute mark, our hero returns to his swank bachelor pad only to discover a pissed-off rubber cobra hissing at him from the end of a string. There’s a quartet of villainous henchmen – two are fat, three are ethnic, and one of them has a hook for a hand. 

We are furthermore treated to the bitter tears of a Venice Beach bodybuilder. 1960s camp tv it-girl Yvonne Craig dances go-go in a blonde wig with a snake, wielding the worst country accent this side of The Beverly Hillbillies, for which we can only celebrate her.

But more than anything else, Jarrett introduces what may very well be the very first evil comic book collector ever portrayed on film or television. Almost thirty years prior to M.Night Shyamalan’s Mr.Glass in Unbreakable, buried in a terrible 9:30pm Saturday timeslot, NBC brought to the world Cosmo Bostrus...

Anthony Quayle as Cosmo Bostrus

Bostrus (Anthony Quayle) haunts the edges of the unflappable Ford’s investigation, undertaking a number of disguises and questionable accents along the way. He assumes the identity of a hip Israeli film producer in a negotiation with evangelical preacher Vocal Simpson (Forrest Tucker), wears lederhosen to sneak around a folk festival, and just generally acts like an absolute weirdo for his own amusement. 

A wealthy “clandestine collector” who acquires rare art illegally, the aforementioned quartet of looming henchmen are his, as is the private island, and – if he has his way – so will the Adam and Eve Scrolls!

Bustros really comes alive when he introduces Jarrett to his true passion. During a tense confrontation on his private island, dressed in a bright red Caesar outfit and pressing a hidden button on a marble statue, Bustros opens a secret door to reveal his private collection of what he (correctly) calls “The greatest art of all — COMICS!”

“The most expensive collection ever assembled! I can’t begin to estimate its value…” he announces as he enters a white room decorated with colorful file cabinets and shelves sagging with the weight of rare and valuable books (In actuality, the stacks of comics appear to all be remaindered DC titles cover-dated between November 1972 and February 1973, but there’ll be a fight scene in here later so that’s for the best). 

Oversized prints hanging from the ceiling recreate comic covers by Cardy, Kirby and Kubert. And there’s a fountain of stagnant water right in the middle of it, just to add an air of danger. If they’d put a canned ham somewhere in the room, they’d have been halfway to a Richard Hamilton collage.

Panoramic view of The Funatorium, a room that in the modern day would be stuffed up the ass with Funko Pops.

Bustros channels a soupcon of Stan Lee as he continues: “I call this my Funatorium – My own private shrine of heroic heroes and villainous villains!” He waxes poetic about the first cro-magnon man scrawling a six-legged buffalo on the wall of his cave, and calls comics “the mad genius of the muses!”

Perhaps to truly establish his bona fides, Bustros lists the highlights of his collection from the top of his head. “Captain Marvel. Mandrake. Shockman(?). Superman. Batman.” Then stating as an aside, “Personally I’m addicted to the Flintstones. But I’ve got everything from Maggie and Jiggs, Uncle Scrooge, Wonder Woman, Happy Hooligan, Plastic Man, Green Hornet, Krazy Kat, right down to the latest undergrounds like ZAP!” he adds with enthusiasm, and then while lifting to his lips what looks for all the world like a Philly blunt, concludes conspiratorially “And Fabulous. Furry. Freak Brothers.”

“You, uh, gonna smoke that whole pill, brother?”

Lest you wonder whether Bustros is actually a villain and not simply an ultra-camp collector, he performs the unthinkable right before the audience’s eyes. 

“These are duplicates,” he says, thwacking a stack of Falling In Love #139 (Feb 1973) with his cane, adding “I destroy them to enhance the value of the remaining copies.” He chucks a copy into a paper shredder just to prove his point, which I guess is why Falling In Love #139 commands thousands of dollars on the aftermarket these days.

Later, a fight scene all but demolishes the Funatorium and the vast collection it contains, while Bustros escapes Jarrett’s justice, vowing to return again. 

Intended as a recurring villain, it’s worth wondering what new artistic obsession the quirky collector would reveal in further episodes. I bet it’s Pokemon cards.

Jarrett was created and scripted by Richard Maibaum, whose credits on the James Bond film series alone stretch from Dr.No to License to Kill. This may explain the quartet of absurd henchmen, the flamboyant criminal genius, and a scene where Ford attempts to discreetly scuba his way to the private island and damn near looks like he’s gonna die in the attempt. 

An awkward negotiation between 60s camp and gritty 70s detective shows, it’s not a surprise that NBC booked it for a timeslot when most adult Americans of the era were ::checks notes:: on their way to the neighborhood key party. To protest Vietnam. On cocaine? Yes, possibly.

Maibaum firmly believed that casting Ford in a role written for a younger actor doomed the show. Having seen the show, I feel that the proper response to this statement would be “Is that what you think?” It was not otherwise primed for success, is my point.

Anyway, I’d love to have a Funatorium.

Bustros’ goon quartet line up in the background.

A fairly low-resolution copy of Jarrett is available on YouTube, while broadcast-quality versions occasionally pop up on services like Tubi. Treat yourself.

Many thanks to Scott Faulkner for finding this gem!