WEIRD WEDNESDAY THEATER : RAT-TRAP

“Greetings fiends and freaks, I’m Mister Teller, the most terrifying horror host of them all! Because I work in a bank, maybe? No, wait, I guess it’s “teller” as in “teller of stories,” got it, that’s not actually very terrifying at all. Sorry. Or maybe I’m the silent half of a popular magic act? Also not that scary? Okay, I’ll work on my gimmick a bit, maybe buy some plastic fangs. I’ll figure it out.

“I was introduced halfway through the run of Horrific, a horror comic product out of Comic Media Magazines, a name I’m sure took ohhhh all of five seconds to think of. That’s not a company name, that’s a dictionary definition.

“Anyway, I didn’t come alone. The previously host-less book not only acquired me, but my four assistants – Freddie Demon, Garry Ghoul, Victor Vampire and Walter Werewolf – who’d each introduce one of the stories in the book. Is “being good at delegating” terrifying? I’m really working hard on this.

“Well, more about my sinister subordinates next week. Right now, I have for you a tale of captivity, insanity, and how your mustache determines your ironic fate in these magazines. From Mister Mystery Comics vol.1 No.8, this is …”