Wednesday, February 17, 2016

P-S-Eh? : 13 WAYS NOT TO BURN YOUR HOME!

14. Never invite a fire imp into your home

Danny Blaze was a short-lived Charlton comic featuring the fire-fighting adventures of its eponymous hero. Being in the fire prevention biz, Danny Blaze also came complete with handy hints on how to avoid burning your personal domicile and everyone in it to ash. Number three, urging you to have your last cigarette of the day before you go to bed, rather than as you lie in it dozing, is particularly of-the-age (one hopes), even among portable stoves and giving matches to children as though they were a Christmas present. I strongly suspect you'd find the same "Why should I wear a seatbelt, it's the other drivers who need to wear seat belts" type complaining about being asked not to smoke in bed. "I don't have time to smoke AND go to bed. Anyway, it's other people who need to be concerned about smoking in bed, I know what I'm doing" *FWOOOOF* and then they and everything they ever owned can share the same urn.

Other ways to not burn your home:

15. Erect bonfires away from bedrooms, closets, and master bathrooms
16. When barbecuing or grilling, take it outside and use an actual grill rather than a pile of hot coals poured underneath a radiator.
17. Do not store hot ashes and burning lumber in your linen closet, or anywhere else you already store towels.
18. Do not substitute wallpaper paste with Sterno.
19. Your arsonist cousin "Buggy" is a bad choice for a housesitter.
20. Replace wall-mounted torches with less fiery sources of light.
21. Never anger Hephaestus, the god of fire and blacksmithing.
22. Offer burnt sacrifices only on your outdoor altar. Reserve your interior altar for small offerings of gold and wine.
23. Do not set your house on fire.

I hope that helps, stay safe kids!

2 comments:

John Longenbaugh said...

A lovely forgotten gem and an excellent commentary. Thanks for making my afternoon.

fotomm55 said...

Had to laugh at "and everything they ever owned can share the same urn."

Who says you can't take it with you!

Popular Posts