P-S-Eh? : HEALTH MYTHS DEBUNKED!

Shaving is not a medical matter, doc, keep it to yourself. 

Apparently in the past, if you injured yourself, a roving doctor would suddenly show up and berate you for a whole buncha shit you never even said you believed in anyway. It was a program called "Shame Based Health Awareness," and it saved millions of lives every year by making people so petrified of potential embarrassment that they never left the house. Doctors would just swing by every ten years to see if the resident died yet, and if so they'd wrap the corpse up in a bedsheet and roll it into a creek, river or other tributary. Saved billions in medical fees every year, and nobody had weird ideas like doing loads of jazzercise when you have a cold.