SATURDAY CHILLER THEATER : THE MAN WHO NEVER SMILED

"Greetings un-pale humans, it is I - a girl from the Nineties OR, alternatively, the Baroness R.H. Von Bludd, hostess of Scary Tales. I'm not sure what kind of stories they published in Scary Tales. Probably it was mostly recipes.

"If you're concerned that my pasty skin and stunted, bat-like face are the qualities of a vampire, don't worry about it - I just happen to be Hungarian royalty. The blood of as many as THREE members of the House of Habsburg flow in my veins, dating back centuries. Look, you can see right through the skin on my sixth finger, it's really neat!


"Anyway, speaking of horrific features, here's a fantastic classic with art by the great Basil Wolverton, a horrifying comics classic called The Man Who Never Smiled! Well, THAT'S a man who's never heard the comedy of Jeff Dunham. Oh, that Jalapeno pepper of his ..."