TRULY GONE&FORGOTTEN: WHAM-O GIANT COMICS PRESENTS GALAXO

Galaxo, Cosmic Agent
(w/a Marvin Stein)

Galaxo almost achieves the promised 1,500 "action panels" of Wham-O Giant Comics all by its lonesome. At three pages, it's probably the most densely-packed of the stories in the tabloid. It also stuffs a lot of sci-fi mumbo-jumbo in there, just to keep us on our feet.

Ronny Drake is an unassuming young man living on a bucolic island chain. A day of fishing yields little more than boredom and an empty line, so Ronny takes the boat out for a little bird-watching. This sounds like a euphemism, and given that Ronny appears to be newly-pubescent, I suspect I know what it's a euphemism for. Enjoy whacking off under the seagulls, Ronny! You're a hero!

Actually, Ronny is a dope and he falls into the water, stirring up some damn mean shark. Luckily, here comes Galaxo, Cosmic Agent! Technically, rescuing Ronny from a shark is the last thing on Galaxo's to-do list, inasmuch as he's here to fight "saboteurs of civilization," but they can arrest anybody on any trumped up charge. They probably put that shark up on RICO.

Galaxo represents a law-making body from thousands of worlds who write the laws for the entire universe, but primarily they make up dumb names for science. Galaxo's own powers -- a sort-of old Volto from Mars package, capable of using magnetic powers to repel and attract objects -- are "Bio-Metabolic," which is what I thought was metabolism in the first place, but I can stand to be corrected. Then there's an Ultr-Sonic Whistle, a Computo-Translator, an Energy Polarizer Gun, and something called Tentacle Twine. Run.

Told you to run.

Saving Ronny wasn't a waste of Galaxo's time, it turns out, because a would-be world conqueror named Dr.Null abducts Ronny's island and the others in the chain, gently connecting them so that they make the first conquest of his worldwide plan. He starts small. Why not just conquer Cape Cod or something?

Galaxo makes short work of Null and prepares to return to his greater mission, but not without promising Ronny his eternal friendship. "All over the universe," he stiffly explains, "The affinity between a man and a boy occurs ... even from different worlds! To put it in plain Earth talk ... we're pals, Ronny!" Run.