Pyramid Productions

Publisher based in South Bend, Indiana.
1986-1987
15 issues

Titles included the anthologies Barbaric Tales, Dark Visions, and Omnicron:Astonishing Adventures of Other Worlds, the latter of which boasts a cover job by Kevin Nowlan. Future Marvel Comics editor Mark Pannicia provides scripts and script assists on many titles, as well as turning out a promising Dave Stevens-inspired cover for Omnicron’s second issue. Not to be outdone, series illustrator Don Bryan roughly channels Mark Schulz for his book The Adventures of Theown (3 issues). Both artists go so far as to craft signatures which resemble Stevens’ and Schulz’, respectively, which you have to admire.

Gary T.Washington (A Boy and His ‘Bot, NOW Comics, 1986) creates sci-fi adventure series Cyberhawks (2 issues). A planned five-issue series, Damlog, was a brutal science-fiction title which debuted in Barbaric Tales and, unfortunately, taps out after a single issue and a bomb-as-hell cover that ought to be on black velvet.

Additional titles included Dimension Z (2 issues), Ruck Bud and His Screeching Commandos (1 issue) and The World of X-Ray, the cover of which promised readers an unappealing ringside seat to X-Ray’s world of “Drug Addiction - Gang War - Child Abuse” (1 issue).

Spotlight on…

RUCK BUD AND HIS SCREECHING COMMANDOS

The world of 2525 is a very dangerous place. If you find yourself embroiled in some sort of danger -- say an international nuclear kidnapping plot -- then you’re going to want only one man (and his associate band of screeching commandos) on your side. And that one man (and his band of screeching commandos) just happens to be … Ruck “Bud” Webster and His Screeching Commandos!

You might be inclined to sneer at the theatrical hypermasculinity of Ruck Bud and His Screeching Commandos, but rest assured that nothing is taken too seriously in the pages. Craig Hamilton’s cover sets the tone by recalling Michael Golden’s luscious work on Marvel’s G.I.Joe, only by way of Tom of Finland.

Inside, the Screeching Commandos themselves seem like action figures begging to be made. The roster of this freelance mercenary troubleshooter organization starts with RUCK “BUD” himself. Bud boasts the classic party hair-do, robot enhancements covering the right side of his face, and an aversion to shirts in all forms. At one point, he is described as “half-cyborg” which, I believe, would mean he is ¼ robot. I am not a mathematician. Please direct all further inquiries to CERN.

His cadre of ‘roidal rascals is composed, in part, of mohawked man-mountain BAD BRAD, whose massive size makes up for a limited intellect. There’s also MIKEY JOE, a former con artist named DINO, and PUPPY -- the skinniest of the group and therefore, rightfully, the one on whom they vent all their frustrations. Rounding out the troupe is -- brace yourself, this name is a killing word -- WEASLY BLAST, the most YMCA-lookin’ member of the team. Despite having a name like a really sad grasp at a Harry Potter-themed energy drink, Weasly rocks his baseball cap, Viking braids, and his extremely ride-able mustache so hard that I am sure that he is his own category on PornHub.

Here, our heroes engage in some phallic antics of public vandalism.

“I’ll teach you to use that kung fu bullshit on me!”

Relaxing between assignments on their personal super-jet, the Screeching Commandos’ hearty games of grab-ass are interrupted by a frantic phone call from the Morrocan head of state, President (?) Guardia (??). It seems that a peaceful moonlight dinner with his daughter Clarissa was cut short … by the infamous Tunisia Defense Army! The hated TDA! They’re not even doing defense right now! They’re just kidnapping Clarissa! Those rotters! Ohhh, how we should all be shaking our fists in the air at this moment.

A compensation of fifty million dollars helps encourage Ruck’s misfit crew into action. They have a super-jet to maintain, after all, and Ruck’s other options are few. Having recently escaped from “Superior Tri-Max Prison,” which sounds like the best value for your dollar when you’re shopping for prisons, Ruck and his crew are eager for action but have obvious issues with legal channels.

I wouldn’t worry about it, kids. Your troubles are soon about to cease.

Piloting very shirtless and hairy-chested, Ruck lands the crew in Algiers. The Commandos exit the ship en masse but neglect to close the hatch, inviting a couple of street kids to sneak aboard and rip them off. This is a good bit. Later, they’ll discover that the kids cleaned up on beer, comics and stashes of porn. Luckily, the Commandos took all the high-ordinance with them.

The foes faced by the Commandos are varied. First up, Tunisian police officers are given a gentle goodnight by way of Weasly Blast’s sleeping-gas mini-bombs, disguised as studs on his leather wrist-bands -- ALSO a category of its own PornHub -- but the masked ninjas of the TDA get the real business. Lead business. And when it turns out that the TDA is led by Maris Wynd -- the man who cost Ruck Bud his humanity during an earlier battle -- it becomes personal.

It also becomes urgent, as Moroccan President Guardia has used the incursion of Tunisian forces into his nation as an excuse to nuke Algiers! Diplomacy hasn’t improved much in the year 2525, I gather! Also, that’ll put pay to those rotten kids who stole all that crap from the super-jet. Those beer, comics and stashes of porn are in heaven now!

Ruck Bud cathartically defeats Wind, and the Commandos fulfill their potential by destroying a multitude of things and people on the way to rescue Clarissa. The president’s supposed daughter reveals everything -- Clarissa literally explains it all -- informing Ruck and his pals that she is a secret agent and a lookalike for the president’s daughter! Well heck! As they beat feet for the super-jet in hopes of outrunning an incoming nuke, freshly-rescued Agent Marx explains that her employer had been going senile in recent years, which is as good an explanation for this whole story as you really need.

“Check it out, Wynd … there’s a half-cyborg down there.”

♬ He’s kicking some ass — and breaking some glass! ♬ ♬♬ RUCK BUD! ♬ ♬ — ♬ He’s kicking some ass — and breaking some glass! ♬
♬♬ RUCK BUD! ♬ ♬

In Ruck’s world, there are men, and guns, and things like kidnapping and nukes which need men with guns to take care of. Sometimes they have a flying ship. They don’t have women, for the most part. Only two women are mentioned by name in this book, and we only meet one. Of course, she’s a dead ringer for the other, so it’s probably more efficient this way.

But it’s not without humor, and it’s definitely not mean to be taken seriously. The Commados’ battle-cry is, literally, “FISTICUFFS!” Ruck delivers the classic line, early in the story, “I’ll teach you to use that kung-fu bullshit on me,” which you can hear in Kurt Russel’s voice, can’t you?

In the closing pages of the issue, the Commandos don rented tuxedos (for no reason I can discern) in order to beat their payment out of the president of Morocco. I suppose it would be a formal event. In any case, it’s indicative of the dopey and very unserious antics of the cast.

Whatever else, it’ll be fun in a few years when 2525 finally rolls around. Social media will be alight with everyone remarking with some rueful acknowledgement -- gosh, the year of Ruck Bud! Remember when it was so far in the future that it seemed fantastic?

The hint of a promise left unfilled manifests itself in the setting of this future era. The World of X-Ray (which, above, promised drugs and all sorts of other gruesome shit) was also set in 2525, tantalizing the world with a crossover. We’ve been robbed of watching the Screeching Commandos take on child abuse...