FORGOTTEN FOES : THE WIND

Look out Green Arrow, it's The Guff!

Nobody gets the wind, baby ... except for Green Arrow and Speedy, though, in the pages of World's Finest vol.1 No.38 (Jnuary 1949).

"Because I had LENTILS!"

It takes no small amount of confidence to go into battle wearing a cloak with a weathervane stuck to the head, bearing the name of a condition generally brought about by beans. Still, confidence was apparently not a trait found lacking in the character of the weather-manipulating baddie named The Wind. When Green Arrow and Speedy ambush The Wind in his attempted hold-up of a dime store (the humble makings of a great criminal mastermind, I assure you), he launches into a clearly prepared spiel.

"You wonder why I'm called the Wind," he asks, although neither archer gave him any indication they'd ever spent an iota of thought on the matter, "Perhaps it's because I come and go like the wind! Or maybe it's because I can COMMAND WINDS to BLOW!"

He goes about proving the matter immediately, setting up such a gale force that even Green Arrow's heaviest shaft is knocked aside harmlessly, never meeting its target. Perhaps it can take out a "missed connections" ad on Craiglist.

Stranger still is that the dime store crime - in fact, every crime with The Wind attempts to undertake - is left unfinished, despite the relative helplessness of Green Arrow and Speedy.

What shitty crimefighters.

This may be because the Wind's crime spree is a ruse to hide the avaricious actions of inveterate arrow collector A.Wynd. Using a high-power fan hidden in the back of a van (driven by a man holding a can and a naan), The Wind's simulated the crimes AND his uncanny power to control the weather as a means to steal the Green Arrow's gimmicked arrows for his collection.

Now, at that stage in the story, if I were Green Arrow, I might just be like "Okay pal, since you're rich and unbalanced, I'll let you keep the arrows if you'll make a donation to the charity of my choosing, like something that teaches archery to inner city kids." But instead what happens is Green Arrow and Speedy are invited in to see A.Wynd's collection of their arrows and Green Arrow goes "QUICK SPEEDY STEAL BACK ALL OUR ARROWS" and so the Wind tries to kill them with what he calls a "suction machine." We should all be so lucky.

In the end, Green Arrow captures the Wind, much to Speedy's confusion as he says "You know, Wynd only attempted crimes! He didn't commit any," having forgotten how attempted murder is a crime. Perhaps he was just either feeling generous or that his life had no value. Aw, poor Speedy. It's thoughts like that which lead to substance abuse.