"Oo-er and cor blimey, lads, Oi'm Misty, a dippy bird wot 'osted a British girls' weekly comic of the same name ... when I weren't busy being Kate Bush's stunt double. Moi comic wor the one wot featured slightly supernatural stories for the wee lassies, loike what if your boyfriend wor actually a werewolf only he only existed insoide a mirror, eh wot guv'nor? Stroike a loight! Steak and kidney poi!
"Oi'm chuffed as a chimney sweep to present to you geezers the following short story titled The Old Mill. 'Ere, 'ave a butcher's at this, and take consolation that all names and places in this true-to-life story are fictitious and any similarity between actual persons or places and those used in this story is purely coincidental, blimey ..."
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4 comments:
Erm...page order? Or is this a deliberate attempt to re-jigger the story into a MEMENTO-style critical darling?
Should be fixed, thanks for looking out!
Now, I ain't claimin' to be some sort of fancy, big city scientician type or nuthin', but in my worldly experiences I've had the opportunity to work with both pulverized grain AND pulverized animal bits and it seems like one of the most definitive signs that one ain't t'other is the amount of blood and viscera that comes squeezin' out when said material is put under pressure. I ain't never been to Germany, and maybe as a people they're just a lot less moist than other Europeans, but I'm fairly sure you throw a Frenchman or a Spaniard under a millstone and you'll get yourself a big bag of hot wet mess. Also, too, lot of folks don't know this, but cutting up large quantities of frozen beef bones on a band saw produces an odor exactly like the smell of Corn Nuts. S'true.
Sadly, Cockney is giving way to Multicultural London English, so soon goofy overly-broad comedy Cockney accent will have to give way to muted mumbly MLE jokes, innit? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fyd3VMoG3WM
Also I totally thought the twist would be that the assistant has to assume the identity of Kurt Braun to cover for his crime.
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